Saturday, January 22, 2022

Hannity: ‘Senile’ Biden Didn’t Mention Windmill Cancer or Bleach Injection During Press Conference

Today, President Joe Biden held the first press conference of his term, and took questions from reporters for about an hour. After the presser had concluded, Fox News host Sean Hannity told his radio audience that what he had just witnessed left him “totally and completely convinced” that Biden is “senile beyond all hope of return.”

“I tried to be fair folks. My first instinct was to turn the TV off, call former President Trump, and have a cry together about how he doesn’t get to do these kinds of press events any longer,” Hannity began, “but I decided to give Sleepy Joe a shot, and I’m glad I did. Because now I’m convinced, totally and completely convinced, that Biden is senile beyond all hope of return.”

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Though Biden took questions and follow-ups from several reporters, and gave in-depth answers to many of the questions, Hannity said those answers were “sorely lacking.”

“Did he mention windmill cancer even once? Spycrowaves? Huh? Tell me that, libs,” Hannity demanded angrily. “You tell me if you heard our so-called president mention covfefe even one time! Of course he didn’t! Joe didn’t even have the presence of mind to mention today is the anniversary of the Bowling Green Massacre!”

While Biden didn’t get or answer any questions about the covid-19 pandemic, or the vaccine rollout’s progress, he did mention that his administration beat its goal of getting a million doses of the vaccine administered in his first hundred days in office. He didn’t, though, mention the possibility of injecting bleach to fight of the coronavirus. That, Hannity said, was the “biggest tell” that Biden’s cognitive health may be seriously declining.

“I gotta tell you folks, I’m starting to get a really terrible feeling about the next four years. I’m wondering if it’s Joe Biden’s intention to go his entire term without telling Ted Cruz that his wife Hedi is ugly even once,” Hannity said with sadness and a grave tone in his voice. “He could go all four years without a single comment on how hot Ivanka is! And do you think for one second we’ll get one tweet about MSNBC’s ratings?!”

Hannity mopped the sweat from his brow.

“We’ll be right back with a rambling, forty-five minute circle jerk with the former president,” Hannity teased before tossing to the commercial.

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MORE: MAN WHOSE CAREER HAS BEEN PARTISAN POWER GRABS CALLS DEM VOTING BILL A PARTISAN POWER GRAB


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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