Tuesday, December 7, 2021

Hawley’s Wife: He’s the Epitome of Masculinity, Even When She Dreams of Fucking Other Men

Erin Hawley, wife of Senator and insurrectionist Josh Hawley (Q-MO), believes that her husband is the “walking, talking, living, and breathing epitome” of masculinity. Even when she’s daydreaming about getting absolutely railed by someone, anyone, other than Josh Hawley.

“Oh my goodness, my Josh is just the absolute best that being a man has to offer. He’s just the walking, talking, living, and breathing epitome of what I think masculinity is all about,” Erin Hawley said during an appearance on Dan Bongino’s podcast today.

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“I mean, sure, do I wonder what it would be like to fuck someone who knows what my clit is for? Absolutely. Do I think that any number of men out there who play video games would have more of an idea what to do with my pussy than Josh does? 100,000,000%. But still, Josh is masculine AF. Completely useless as a lover, but nobody can deny he’s masculine!”

Speaking to a gathering of social conservatives recently, Sen. Hawley blasted “the Left” for attacking “traditional masculinity.” Those attacks, Hawley allege, have made a generation of men more willing to play video games and be lazy than to do an honest day’s work and be manly.

“The Left want to define traditional masculinity as toxic. They want to define the traditional masculine virtues — things like courage and independence and assertiveness — as a danger to society,” Hawley, a potential 2024 presidential candidate, said, The Washington Post reported. (The Hill)

Erin told Bongino that she considers herself “extremely lucky” to be married to Hawley and yet also have a mind of her own that he is unable to read.

“I think the best part of my life is that I have this big, strong, alpha male husband who would never dream of playing a video game, but I also have a brain I can use to dream about fucking someone who can actually make me cum for once in my goddamned fucking life,” Mrs. Hawley explained.

“Just…one time.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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