Thursday, June 8, 2023

Would an Impeachment Conviction of Her Father Prevent Ivanka From Being First Lady Ever Again?

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The second impeachment trial of Barack Obama’s racist troll successor to the presidency is underway now. In the first day of arguments over whether the Senate can even legally take up the trial, now that the 45th President of the United States is no longer in office, left many wondering why the former president hired the lawyers to handle his case that presented a baffling array of meandering lectures and angry accusations. Should he be convicted, the man who just left the Oval Office in January could possibly be permanently barred from ever being president again.

While the men who wrote the Constitution anticipated the need to strip someone of their ability to hold public office again, and proscribed a method for doing exactly that, there is one question that constitutional scholars are debating right now that the Founders didn’t answer themselves. Namely, should an impeached and convicted president’s lovers be allowed to be the First Lady again?

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We called three such scholars up and asked them for their thoughts on this unprecedented issue.

John Booshkoovy, Constitutional Scholar: Uhh. I don’t know if she can be First Lady again. I don’t think the Framers really considered it. But I suppose if she starts fucking someone else in her family, and that person gets elected, then we’ll have a debate on that subject at that point.

Kristine McScoodieux, Professor of Law: If I had to wager a guess, I’d say that she’s probably not going to be impacted by the decision, and that in theory she could be someone’s First Lady Again. That is, of course, provided that her father will let her go. But you can ask Jared Kushner how well that’s gone.

Kimberly Smith-Klein, Author of “Tons of Shit You Need To Know About the Constitution”: Well, that’s definitely not a question I ever expected to have to answer. Truthfully, I don’t think the Constitution mentions anything about it, so she could technically be president one day. Oh God…Oh God what I did I just say…? Please excuse me so I can go jump off a bridge so I don’t have to live to see the day that happens.

Ivanka: “Why Would Daddy Excite an Erection When He Knows That’s My Job?”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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