Tuesday, May 30, 2023

ISIS Agrees With Matt Gaetz: Murdering Americans is Okay

Last night at a rally in Georgia with fellow Republican Congresswoman and Qu Qlux Qlan co-founder Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz implied that angry conservative Americans should take up arms against social media companies for being mean to Donald Trump, who is no longer president because he lost the election and insurrection.

During his speech, Gaetz said the Constitution’s Second Amendment is for “maintaining within the citizenry the ability to maintain and armed rebellion.” Gaetz had been referring both to the government and “big tech” companies. Most historians concur the Second Amendment has a complex history and purpose including a replacement for a standing army and a way to ensure that slaves would be “kept in line,” but was never meant to give the people a blank check to commit murder on one another over political disagreements.

This morning, Gaetz seemed to double-down on his remarks on Twitter, repeating part of his speech verbatim.

In a related turn of events, the international Islamist extremist terrorist group ISIS issued a statement supporting Gaetz.


“We could not possibly agree with the big haired, drunken buffoonish clown, Mr. Gaetz more,” ISIS said. “Put simply: Americans must die. Of course, we would like ALL Americans to die, but we’d settle for at least some Americans dying, and obviously Matt Gaetz is totally okay with a lot of Americans dying, as long as they vote Democrat.”

ISIS’s statement explains that his suggestion of murdering Americans was not the only thing they admired about Gaetz.

“We knew we liked him when we found out he debases, dehumanizes, and has sexual intercourse with underage girls,” ISIS wrote. “It’s nice to know we can find common ground with at least some Americans who aren’t soyboy beta cucks.”

Gaetz, in a tweet, thanked ISIS for their “ability to seek and find common ground,” and for their support of his position.

“Politics and terrorism make for strange bedfellows,” Gaetz tweeted. “So here I am to thank ISIS for their wonderful words and praise them for their ability to seek and find common ground. First sixteen rounds are on me if you ever are in Florida, guys!”


Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This