Friday, March 31, 2023

Ivanka Trump Refutes Key Details Of Stormy Daniels Tell-All

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Adult film star Stormy Daniels made enormous waves on social and traditional media this week when her new tell-all book, Full Disclosure, was released for early review to the press and very specific, salacious descriptions within the book started coming out.

Today, Might as Well Be First Lady Ivanka Trump held a press conference and forcefully rejected several key details from Daniels’ book.

“I have had the chance to read excerpts from the chapter book written by Stormy, and I have to say after reading her accounts, I think it’s pretty obvious she was making stuff up,” Ivanka told reporters today. “So after I read the passages, I sent them to my mom and Mom Two, Marla Maples, Karen McDougal, and some nice Urine Ladies that President Putin put me in contact with.”

Ms. Trump says that every single woman she sent Daniels’ book excerpts to came away with the same exact conclusion. Namely, that there was some “exaggeration”  and “hyperbole” in Stormy’s book, and Ivanka wants to “set the record straight, even if Dad’s dong never will be.”

“I’m sure Stormy wasn’t trying to be more a nuisance than she already is, but if she’s going to go talking out of school about my father, the least she could do is describe him accurately,” Ivanka said. “It’s just not FAIR DIDDUMS! Er, I mean, sorry, it’s just not fair TO Diddums! I’m so used to whining that sentence the first way, force of habit all!”

The bottom line, Ivanka said is quite simple.

“I love my father very much,” Ivanka stated plainly. “But no one would give him credit for it being THAT big!”

The White House did not respond to request for comment.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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