Tuesday, December 7, 2021

Kyle Rittenhouse and George Zimmerman Will Headline “Bushmaster/Skittles White Hood Comedy Tour”

Recently acquitted murderer Kyle Rittenhouse will join fellow acquitted murderer George Zimmerman on what’s being billed as a “komedy kavalcade kriskrossing 88 cities throughout the Bible Belt,” beginning sometime early in 2022.

“The Bushmaster/Skittles White Hood Comedy Tour will be the most fun you’ll have this side of a klan rally! If you’ve been to a Blue Collar Comedy Tour show and thought it was too left-wing for your tastes, the White Hood Comedy Tour is for you,” a press release announcing the tour enticed potential audiences.

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The tour will take Zimmerman and Rittenhouse through all the states that voted to give their Electoral College votes to Don Trump in the 2020 presidential election. The pair will hit 88 different cities. The tour’s itinerary is based on finding clubs that do not require vaccination against COVID-19, a negative COVID test, or masking. This requirement has led to some unorthodox locations for a comedy show.

“If you’ve never seen a hilarious comedian telling an uproariously funny joke about brown-skinned people from a church dais, you haven’t really lived,” the press release states. “Kyle and George are busily working with Waffle House owners across the Bible Belt to install mics and P.A. systems, so that the White Hood Comedy Tour can make an appearance at their eating establishments.”

When the comedy tour hits Texas, budding conservative comedians can come try out their jokes and hate speech at an open mic, hosted by Rittenhouse and Zimmerman.

“You get three minutes if you show, five if you buy a drink, and an hour-long Fox News show if you can prove you’re the heir of a frozen food empire and have a swastika carved on your pee-pee head,” the press release says.

Tickets for the comedy tour start at $14.88, however used guns will be accepted at the door as well.

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This article was conceived by Zach Miller

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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