Friday, August 12, 2022

If You Hear Your Uncle Say This Three Word Phrase, Get Him to a Neurologist ASAP!

Knowing the signs of life-threatening medical emergencies can save your life, and the lives of those you love.

Being able to recognize when someone is experiencing a cardiac or neurological event may be a matter of life and death. According to a new report from the Centers for American Medical Stuff, there’s a new way to tell if your uncle — or someone else who watches OANN and Fox News — is about to experience a major brain related incident.

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In the interest of public awareness, we pass this information along to you, verbatim, from the CAMT’s website.

The human brain is a complex organ, and vital to all human beings’ ability to live and function. As important as brains are to our continued existence, though, they are notoriously fragile, which is why they are protected by bone helmets known as “skulls.” The chemicals and hamburger patty in our heads can, as we doctors put it, “go all fucky” at any time. Luckily, the brain also gives us some signs of impending doom to watch for.

Knowing how to tell when someone’s brain is about to literally melt and fall out of their ears like so much Taco Bell diarrhea could make all the difference. Now, thanks to months of intensive medical research, we can point to data that suggests a new sign of impending neurological breakdown. Should you or a loved one exhibit this symptom, it is imperative  to get them to a neurologist, as quickly as is possible, because their brain is likely rotting from the inside.

Keep an attentive ear out for this three word phrase. Should you utter it or hear it uttered, it’s time to seek medical attention from an expert in brain-ology. It’s just five syllables in total, but they’re the five most dangerous syllables, neurologically speaking, that science has thus far identified. Please read the following sentence carefully, but do not read it out lout, because if you do, someone might think you’re having a medical brain event.

LET’S GO BRANDON!

Please keep visiting our webpage for updates on this vital research.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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