Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Man Switches Parties After Devastating “Demon-craps” Insult

CORNHOLE LAKE, MINNESOTA — For most of his adult life, Gary Bababuoy has been a registered Democrat. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t cast votes for candidates who belong to other parties, but about 20 years ago, Gary found himself deciding to register as a Democrat because he said at the time that party most aligned with his views.

Despite the fact that he just switched his affiliation, and is now a registered member of the Republican Party, Mr. Bababuoy says he still truly agrees with what Democratic politicians put forward as policy proposals. However, Gary says he has no intention of switching back to the Democratic Party any time soon. He explained his thinking to us in a Skype interview this morning.

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“I’m not a racist. I’m not threatened by the existence of non-white people in my field of work, and I think immigrants are human too, and always add something important to the American cultural landscape,” Gary told us. “I’m not at all worried about moral decline if we keep affirming people have rights no matter their gender or sexual characteristics. In general, I know that means I’m going to agree more with Democrats, but I’m not going back there.”

It turns out, Gary is no longer a Democrat because of an online conversation he had with a pro-MAGA user no Fascbook, Mark Zuckerberg’s social media data mining operation.

“We were having a pretty intense discussion about voting rights. I was in favor of more people having easier access, and he wanted to give people an IQ test and ask them if they own land,” Gary explained to us. “All things considered, it was really civil until I mentioned that I didn’t understand why Republicans went from Freedom Riders to trying to keep black people from voting. That’s when it happened.”

Mr. Bababuoy says that he was insulted with a word he’d never seen before, but that was so “devastating and hilarious all at the same time” that he was stunned with how much it shook him to his very core.

“He called me a Demon-crap. Like, he took the word ‘Democrat,’ which I was one of,” Gary said, fighting his emotions, “and he twisted it such a genius way. It was devastating and hilarious at the same time. So much so that it rattled me pretty hardcore.”

Gary says he knows he personally isn’t a demon, or a piece of feces. He can’t vouch for everyone else in the Democratic Party, however. He’s also not a very religious man himself, but he lives in a small community that has its share of evangelicals, and he doesn’t “want to end up burned at the stake by some bible thumper on a crusade.”

“So I’ll just keep my head down, and let people think I vote the way I register. It’s the only way to make sure I don’t get harassed by some mouth breather,” Gary said. “Until they pass a law forcing me to let them watch me vote…Oh God. They can’t do that, can they? Can they?!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.