Friday, March 31, 2023

Marjorie Taylor Greene: “Why Would My Crack Pipe Lie About Biden Cheating?”

FORT MOROHN, GEORGIA — Representative-elect Marjorie Taylor Greene is one of a handful of elected Republicans who openly embraces the Q-Anon conspiracy theory. This means that, among other things, the Georgia native believes that the Democratic Party is a front for a satanic pedophile cabal and that President Donald Trump was literally sent by God to put a stop to it. Ms. Taylor Greene is also one of the loudest, most vocal members of Trump’s cheering squad who is pushing to have the president’s stinging defeat last month thrown out by either the courts or when Congress meets to certify the Electoral College victory of President-elect Joe Biden in less than a week.

Since losing, Trump and his allies have blanketed his base with evidence-free assertions of massive, widescale fraud that skewed the vote tallies. Trump and his surrogates have lost more than fifty court cases, and even Trump-appointed conservative justices have smacked down the outgoing president’s lawyers’ arguments with embarrassing forcefulness at times. Greene has remained steadfastly loyal to Trump, and to his conspiracy theories about electoral fraud, throughout the entire ordeal, however.

RELATED: Mexico Sends Final $0.00 Check For Trump’s Wall

In an interview on Newsmax this morning, Representative-elect Taylor Greene explained her position, and asked the show’s host a rhetorical question she said was a “Constitutional mic drop moment.”

“All we’re saying is we want election integrity, and to us that means giving extra hard scrutiny to certain, shall we say, urban votes, because you just can’t really trust an uppity urban to vote the right way,” Taylor Greene explained, “and quite frankly there are a lot of rumors out there that the voices inside my head are telling me we can’t ignore! Besides, someone needs to answer me this question — why would my crack pipe lie about Biden cheating?”

Taylor Greene said that in the past her crack pipe has “never led [her] astray,” and that some of her best ideas have come right after she “pulled a hit off that glass dick.”

“Am I not entitled to believe what I want and to have those beliefs count more than black votes? That’s the America that was explained to me by my white nationalist church and community,” Taylor Greene said, “and I intend to defend that America to my dying, confederate breath.”

RELATED: Josh Hawley Will Contest Electoral College’s Certification of Black Votes


Like what you read? Consider signing up for my free newsletter, becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, or signing up for my Patreon.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This