Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Hey! Check Out This Super Rich White Guy’s Take on Being Nice to Hateful Bigots.

What a good lookin’, rich, white guy this guy is, eh? I mean…just look at him! We already established he’s rich, and white, but also, just note how incredibly good looking he is! Anyway, this guy is making headlines right now because he took time off from taking off his shirt and driving in a Lincoln while talking to himself to pontificate on how important it is not be rude or condescending with hateful bigots.

He’s not, like, in favor of bigots or anything, mind you. He himself is a very reasonable, cool cat. He’s rich and white, though, so he does have a right to tell you all how to live your lives, and more importantly, when you’re not living them the way he wants you to/you should be. Therefore, even though he spent the last four years watching people on the far right run over protesters, send bombs to prominent Democrats, and hold tiki torch rallies to defend white supremacy, it is privilege and duty to tell you, the far-left, what a bunch of meaniehead bullies you are!

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Sure, he lives the kind of life where is completely and utterly insulated against the kinds of broadside attacks on his existence that non-white, poor people have to endure. And of course, he’s totally separated from the rest of society by his money and influence, but all that means is that you should pay extra close attention to how he tells you to live your life. Don’t you worry about what the assholes who think you don’t deserve the same rights they do because you’re brown-skinned or poor will think about your political movement if you don’t condescend to them?!

And, while we are talking about it…isn’t being condescending to racist arrogant bullies much, much worse than being a racist, arrogant bully? These are things you simply have to take into account in life. Thank goodness, quite frankly, that this wealthy, older white guy is here to remind us to play nicely with the people who want to shoot us in the streets because they think the word “socialism” means something it doesn’t.

Is this man completely disconnected from the reality on the ground for millions of Americans who have spent four years being called “libtards,” “snowflakes,” “cucks,” and every other under the sun? Absolutely! Does the other side totally get off on denying the reality of climate change, the changing gender roles, and racial equality? Of course! But that doesn’t give you the right to use harsh words to make yourself sound smart by spouting “facts” and “truth,” does it?

So, please, find this gorgeous looking man’s thoughts and feelings on how liberals talk to bigots. You should all be very ashamed of yourselves, apparently. If you were over 50, had a dong, and lots of money, maybe we’d have time to listen to your rebuttal, but we just don’t. Do yourself a favor, and just listen to him; he’s already figured it all out for you.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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