Thursday, September 16, 2021

Mike Lindell Drops Fox News Ads to Promote MyPillow at Gun Shows and Klan Rallies Instead

Mike Lindell is still feuding with Fox News, angry that the conservative cable news network refuses to allow him to use their platform to spread his conspiracy theories about the 2020 presidential election. The founder and CEO of MyPillow announced last week that he was going to stop running ads on Fox News, leading some to wonder if he can still capture the market share MyPillow needs, or if he’d have to come up with some new ways to advertise his pillows.

Today, while being interviewed on Steve Bannon’s podcast, Lindell put some of those questions to rest.

MIKE LINDELL STARTS “MYCRACKPIPE”

“Let me tell you one thing, Steve, I will not be silenced! My message will be heard,” Lindell promised. “If Fox News doesn’t want to treat my crack pipe dreams as fact, then Fox News doesn’t need MyPillow’s advertising dollars anymore. After strategizing with the Proud Boys and Dan Bongino this weekend, I’ve got a plan that I think will help me reach a lot more of my potential customer base directly.”

Beginning next week, Lindell will start touring the Bible Belt and other red states, selling MyPillow products to people directly at church services, gun shows, and klan rallies.

“Steve, I won’t need the cucks at Fox News if I’m selling my pillows and lies to the patriotic public directly,” Lindell shouted. “I haven’t been this excited since I found Barack Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate in the Bible that my good friend Sasquatch will use to officially swear King Donald Trump back onto his rightful throne! I just can’t wait to get out on the road and to see the people!”

It’s been an up and down last few months for Lindell’s business ventures. He is currently being sued by Dominion voting systems for his attempts to persuade the public that the election was stolen from Trump and Dominion was in on the steal. However, he also announced a few weeks ago that he had started a brand new company for people who, like him, believe that counting votes is cheating.

“Folks, I gotta tell you, as excited as I am to see what Sasquatch himself told me would play out vees-ah-vee Forever President Trump,” a sweaty Lindell shouted at reporters who were just a foot away from him, “I am even more excited to tell you about MyCrackPipe! It’s guaranteed to be the nicest glass dick in your collection, or your money back!” (NRN)

At the time of publication, Joe Biden was still Donald Trump’s president.

LINDELL: TRUMP WILL RIDE THE LOCH NESS MONSTER INTO D.C. ON AUGUST 13TH AND ‘RETAKE HIS THRONE’

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.