Friday, January 27, 2023

On January 20th, 2021 Trump Will Become The 45th Most Intelligent Former President in History

To say that President Donald Trump undertook a historic presidential term would be quite the understatement. Trump will go down in history as the only president to never win the popular vote. He’ll be the only man to win the presidency in his first national election, and also the first one term president who won his first shot at the presidency. He’ll be the first president in history to be impeached and attempt re-election.

Today, the National Presidential History Society, or NPHS, announced that upon leaving office next month, Trump will also establish yet another new historic precedent. At a virtual press conference this morning, Kimberly T. Smoody told reporters about the newly certified historic feat.

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“When President Trump leaves office, he will set a brand new, fresh record,” Smoody announced, “and become the 45th Most Intelligent ex-president ever. He’ll of course take that spot over from another Republican, George W. Bush. We’re still working on certifying whether Trump is the dumbest national office candidate, because Sarah Palin’s 2008 turn on as the vice presidential nominee skews our numbers quite a bit.”

For many years, the dumbest former president was President Chester A. Arthur. President Arthur may not be well-known to many Americans, but during his presidency, he famously tried to convince the country that one plus one equals butter. The ensuing political controversy led to him being known as “President Butt-Whole,” and led to the brief enactment of the Presidential Mathematics Limitation Act.

“There have of course been quite a few stupid presidents in our nation’s history,” Smoody explained, “but President Trump is by far the stupidest. Staring at an eclipse made it hard to for anyone else to move him out of the top spot, but suggesting that covid-19 can be cured by injecting bleach and shooting UV lights up your corn hole? That was pretty much the dumbest shit we’d heard a president say since we heard him talk about windmill cancer.”

RELATED: Matt Gaetz Pledges to Slur, Stammer, and Drunkenly Stand Behind Trump on January 6th

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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