WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama’s highly anticipated first presidential memoir, “A Promised Land,” was released this week to largely quite positive reviews. According to the book’s publishers, it contains a self-chronicling of Obama’s life through his first of two historic presidential terms. The book is sure to climb to the top of every bestseller list for the year, but there’s one person who won’t need to buy his own copy of the memoir, because he was sent one by none other than Obama himself.
“President Trump was sent a lovely, limited-run, special edition of A Promised Land that was tailor made for school children learning to read, and for presidents who still haven’t learned,” Obama’s publisher announced in a press release today. “President Trump’s edition is the one and only pop-up book version, and it is quite rare and valuable as such. All of us hope President Trump enjoys having A Promised Land read to him by his First Lady, Ivanka.”
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On the Hill, Republican politicians expressed outrage at Obama’s actions.
“You know, we had a four year vacation from certain tinted divisiveness from a certain urban man,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters staked out after a GOP luncheon today. “I was proud to use the Constitution’s power to keep him from getting his sinister agenda of acknowledging life in the 21st century rammed down our good, clean, ammo hoarding American Christian patriots’ throats, simply because more Americans agree with him than with me. And this latest stunt just shows you that I was right all along to starve the American people of what they desperately need because of how hurt my pussy really was about it.”
Congressman and Professional Arsonist Darrell Issa also came to Trump’s defense.
“I think it’s incredibly insulting,” Issa said, “and I’m just glad I’m here in town, now, and I can personally soothe Trump’s taint about it. Because honestly, this is borderline treason, and if I were able to, I would start investigating to see what this all has to do with Benghazi, right away.”
Even one Democrat thought Obama’s gift was “maybe a tad cruel.”
“Well, it was maybe a tad cruel to give any book to the president,” Democratic freshman Skip Willingham told us. “I mean, he’s so illiterate he can’t even read a picture book. It’s time to unite and heal, and reminding the president what a total fucking idiot he is won’t really help us get to that point any quicker.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.