Tuesday, May 30, 2023

OJ Simpson Says 24 Years Ago Sascha Baron Cohen Dressed Up Like a Knife And Tricked Him Into Murdering Two People

Actor and comedian Sascha Baron Cohen is currently making massive, international headlines because of his new Showtime series, “Who Is America?”

In his show, Baron Cohen takes on different personas and utilizes makeup and prosthetic appliances and manages to interview politicians and pundits, getting them to say — and do — outrageous and controversial things. Since “Who Is America?” debuted, conservatives like Sarah Palin have railed against Baron Cohen for his antics, which include dressing up like a wounded veteran. In an unforeseen twist, a new person has come forward to say that Baron Cohen tricked them into doing something, and it seems like it may indicate that the British comedian had been planning such a show for quite some time.

“About 24 years ago, I was having dinner with friends one night,” OJ Simpson told a reporter in a new interview that will broadcast later this week. We talked for awhile about life, football, comedy. How sometimes I felt a homicidal rage about my ex-wife having her own life apart from me, you know, guy stuff.”

And that’s when things took a turn for the bizarre, Simpson said.

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“All of a sudden, this knife walks up to me, man,” Simpson told the interviewer. “Like, an honest to God knife with a mouth and hands and eyes and arms and feet. I mean, if I’m being honest it was pretty obvious it was a dude in makeup and stuff, but anyway, the knife started to talking to us, and I brought up that whole homicidal rage for my ex-wife thing to him.”

Simpson says the knife started “putting thoughts and suggestions” in his mind about how to deal with the rage he had for his ex-wife.

“You know, suggestions like, ‘Kill her’ or ‘Hey, you could just use one of my knife-y friends to stab her and maybe some other random dude who just so happened to be there,'” Simpson said. “And honestly, his arguments were quite compelling. So I took him up on his suggestion.”

It wasn’t until years later, after his murder trial, and then a jail sentence unrelated to the killings, that he realized he’d been duped.

“That knife was Sascha Baron Cohen! I didn’t figure out until his show came on,” Simpson said. “It’s not my fault, y’all. Sure, I thought those thoughts, but it was Sascha’s fault for giving me the impression there’d be no backlash from it! If I had known about that, I’d have used it in my defense instead of having to stretch my acting abilities to their utter limit pretending the glove didn’t fit!”

Mr. Baron Cohen hasn’t responded to Simpson’s allegation. This is a developing story.
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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