Tuesday, October 26, 2021

Poll Shows Majority Approves of Aborting Texas

A few weeks back, Texas legislators passed a new six-week restriction on abortion procedures in the state. The law effectively deputizes citizens of Texas to tattle on each other, and receive up to $10,000 for essentially suing someone who helps an abortion take place after six weeks of pregnancy. Doctors and abortion advocates have noted that in such an early stage, most women don’t even know they’re pregnant yet. There are no exceptions for rape or incest in the law.

Public opinion polling on the new abortion laws is starting to come in now, weeks after the first bans were signed into law. The results of one poll in particular might be quite surprising to some.

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In a new survey conducted by We Poll You So Hard, nearly 65% of the country is totally okay with aborting Texas. In other words, when asked, almost seven out of every ten Americans said the Lone Star State should be ejected from the union. While there isn’t any “out clause” in the Constitution, and it’s unclear if a state can even be kicked out of republic, the results are quite clear — most Americans would be just fine with losing those states permanently.

“We surveyed over 1500 Americans using email, land lines, and cellular phones,” We Poll You national director Chazz Chesterly told us. “No matter which method we used to contact them, the results ended up being pretty much the same.”

Respondents were given a chance to indicate why they would be okay with losing Texas, bringing the total number of states to forty-nine. The answers varied, Chesterly said, but were all in a “similar theme.” Basically, most Americans are “sick and tired of their idiotic religious sycophant neo-Confederate cousins,” Chesterly said.

“The general sense we got was that if Texas stopped trying to roll back the clock on women’s rights a couple decades, people wouldn’t even care what they do,” Chesterly pointed out. “But as soon as they start acting like Gilead are the good guys in Handmaid’s Tale, people are ready to just be rid of them.”

Gov. Greg Abbott has vowed to “track down and serve Texas justice” to anyone who answered the poll and said they wanted to abort Texas. Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) blasted the poll as “more evidence that liberals literally want to murder your fully grown, college aged kids if they can.” Freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene whinnied her disapproval.

“Abortion may not be extremely popular, but most people in this country understand why it needs to be legal and accessible to all women,” Chesterly explained. “In 2021, it seems a lot of Americans aren’t really into the idea of a religious caliphate telling rape victims they have to carry their rapists’ babies to full term. Shocker, I know.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.