Thursday, June 8, 2023

Instead of a Library, Trump Wants to Open a Presidential Hooters Franchise

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Most of the modern presidents have, upon leaving office, opened a presidential library where they house artifacts and important documents from their term or terms. President Donald Trump never was a traditional president, and never did pretend to do the job of president in any kind of normal way. Reportedly, when it comes to presidential libraries, he’s just as disinclined to roll with the status quo as he was with anything else.

“Most presidents who leave office aren’t as fake-good at business as Donald Trump is,” White House senior racism adviser Stephen Miller told OAN today. “So of course none of them would or could have the guts to do what this president is going to do, which is quite savvily, if I say so myself, to buy and operate his own presidential Hooters franchise.”

MORE: Biden to Dismantle McDonald’s Kitchen the Previous Administration Installed

The decision to open a Hooters franchise instead of a library wasn’t that difficult, Miller said.

“The fact is that the president likes pretending to be a business tycoon, and his First Lady Ivanka is definitely going to need a real job soon,” Miller said. “So this is truly a two-birds, one-stone, get to see your daughter’s tits kinda deal, if you know what I mean.”

Trump plans to open the Hooters in Florida, either on or certainly near his Mar-A-Lago resort. He plans to put Ivanka in charge of waiting on tables and “looking sexy,” but Trump has not decided if either of his other children be working at the Hooters franchise.

“All I know is that homewrecker Jared isn’t going to be allowed within 500 feet of that restaurant,” Trump was overheard telling aides this morning as they helped him brush his teeth and get his clothes on for the day. “I want to just sit there, eat wings, and stare at my beautiful daughter EEE-VON-KUH. I don’t need Jared fucking up my view of the goods.”

RELATED: Biden Says Nuclear Codes Can No Longer Be ‘Password123’


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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