Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Ron Johnson: “I Shouldn’t Have to Take My Hood and Robes Off to Prove I’m not Racist!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Ron Johnson (Q-WI) recently penned an op-ed run by The Wall Street Journal, defending controversial comments he made about the January 6th insurrection on the capitol. Johnson recently made a comparison between Black Lives Matter protests of extrajudicial police murders to the insurrectionist riot during the congressional election certification process a couple of months back.

During an interview on AM talk radio last week, Senator Johnson told the show’s host that he wasn’t all that scared during the January 6th attack, intimating that the attackers were just patriotic Americans doing what they felt was necessary to protect the nation. However, Johnson did say he’d have been scared if it was Black Lives Matters protesters he was surrounded by on that day.

“Had the tables been turned and President Donald Trump won the election and those were thousands of Black Lives Matter and antifa protesters I would have been concerned,” he said. (Independent)

In his new editorial, Johnson claims his words are being twisted and taken out of context. He also vowed to continue to speak out whenever he chooses to do so. This morning, Johnson appeared on Fox News to promote the op-ed and further condemned “the cancel culture libs” for the hubbub over his comparison.

“Well, sure the insurrectionists were a bunch of angry, armed, white people, and the BLM protesters had a lot more people of color among them,” Johnson said, “but that doesn’t make me racist. What makes me racist is my racist views of non-white people! But I didn’t even say any of that stuff on the radio last week! I kept it all in my racist head under my white hood.”

Johnson blasted the media for “overhyping” his comparison and insisted that “no American is required to prove they aren’t racist if they don’t want to.”

“I shouldn’t have to take my hood and robes off to prove I’m not racist! You can’t make me, anyway,” Johnson insisted. “I should be able to say whatever I want, without consequences, and regardless of the subtext, without being called a racist. Sure I’m a racist, but what business is that of yours, anyway? As long as the voters think it’s okay that I’m a racist, that’s all that really matters. Checkmate, libs.”

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Like what you read? Consider signing up for my free newsletter. If you want my satire completely ad-free, just sign up for my Patreon at any level.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This