Thursday, March 30, 2023

Trump: Telling Sarah Huckabee Sanders Not to Give Briefings ‘Only Way to Keep Her From Lying’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, President Donald Trump drew criticism when he announced via Twitter that he had given his Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, permission to stop doing press briefings from the White House. Trump cited the press treating Ms. Huckabee Sanders “rudely & inaccurately” in a tweet.

This morning a reporter from The Los Angeles Tribune happened to come upon the president as he returned back to the White House from his routine doughnut/coffee/nacho cheese dipped pretzel/KFC/McDonald’s run. She asked him if he thinks it’s fair that Huckabee Sanders collect her salary — which is roughly $180,000 — for not working, especially while there are almost a million furloughed government employees not getting a paycheck during the government shutdown he proudly told Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) he would take the blame for last month.

Trump admitted the reporter had a “point” but he dismissed it entirely.

“I dismiss that question entirely,” Trump said, waving what looked like a baby hand poking out from his over-sized black duster that he wears even indoors, in an effort to look more slim and trim. “The bottom line is that I had to shut the government down to get my monument — er I mean — for border security. And besides, everyone kept complaining that all Sarah does is lie all the time, and keeping her from going out there was literally the only way to keep her from lying.”

MORE TO READ: Border Prayer Rugs Blamed On Fake El Paso Flea Market

White House doctors confirmed that what Trump said is true. 

“We’ve been over and over Sarah’s charts, and she’s definitely got a very rare condition,” Dr. Brook James told the media. “She’s got Gumflapitis, which presents with symptoms that include: making terrible jokes only you and your corpulent father thinks are funny, smoky eyes, and the inability to open one’s mouth without lies spewing out.”

Reached for comment, former Press Secretary Sean Spicer gave kudos to both Trump and Sanders.

“This is the smartest way to look innocent, period,” Spicer said. “In no way does it look like, to normal, intelligent people, that they’re hiding stuff, or that they literally are incapable of telling the American people the truth, period. Also, Donald Trump can fly and Sarah Huckabee Sanders doesn’t even like nacho cheese, period.”

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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