Saturday, April 10, 2021

Ron Johnson: “I Shouldn’t Have to Take My Hood and Robes Off to Prove I’m not Racist!”

"What makes me racist is my racist views of non-white people! But I didn't even say any of that stuff on the radio last week!"

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Trump Legal Team Wants to Wrap Entire Supreme Court in Tinfoil Before Presenting Their Arguments

It’s not exactly been a big secret. The Trump Campaign’s legal strategy has always been to get one or more of their longshot bids to overturn the will of the people before the Supreme Court of the United States of America. Even though all but one Trump lawsuit has already been thrown out of court, Trump’s team of lawyers has been intent from the get go on having nine unelected judges decide who will be the next president, instead of adhering to the results of an election that was run the exact same way as the one that put him in office was run just four years ago.

Before Rudy Giuliani, Jenna Ellis, or Sidney Powell release any of their Krakens on the Supreme Court, however, they want to have the entire courthouse wrapped in aluminum foil, ahead of any arguments they might make before it.

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“We have been in contact with Reynolds, and they have assured us they can get more than enough foil sent to the Supreme Court in time for us to make our argument,” Ellis told OAN’s Chanel Rion while they dove through a dumpster looking for dirt on Biden. “If we can get enough tinfoil wrapped around the building, we have a really much better shot at getting the justices to see things our way.”

It’s unclear at this time if Chief Justice Roberts will agree to the request. Leaked drunken texts from Justice Brett Kavanaugh indicate he’s “super duper down” with the idea. Justice Amy Covid Barrett reportedly told the other eight justices she needed to talk to God and her husband before making any decisions one way or the other. Ellis indicated to Rion, however, that she and Giuliani have back up plans in place.

“If they won’t let us encase the court in tinfoil, we think we have another good Plan B to try,” Ellis said. “So if anyone knows where we can get our hands on enough crack to get everyone in the room high as fuck, please contact our law offices at 1-800-FKE-NEWS.”

This story is developing.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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