Saturday, October 1, 2022

Spotify: Future Episodes of Joe Rogan Podcast Will Be Vetted by Dr. Alexander Jones

Streaming platform Spotify announced this afternoon that it was taking “immediate and swift action” in order to moderate the content of its highest-paid podcaster. The press release announcing the new content moderation process says it will “apply to all future episodes” of Joe Rogan’s podcast.

“Spotify is pleased to announce that, after much consideration of our plunging stock prices, we do in fact believe we have a small responsibility to pretend to do something about the rampant spread of disinformation on our platform. More importantly, we believe we have come up with just the right kind of pretend-solution that stockholders, and Joe Rogan’s listeners, will both appreciate.”

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All future episodes of Rogan’s podcast will be vetted by someone Spotify calls a “trusted source of legitimate-ish information-esque stuff.”

Dr. Alexander Jones will be given each new episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, and is being tasked with, as Spotify’s press release called it, “alternative fact checking” the episode. Should Jones find the amount of “batshit crazy and downright dangerous information” lacking, he can have that episode’s publication delayed until time as such content is added to the offending episode.

“The answer of course is for us to dive head-long into the stupidity and craven, cynical profiteering off said stupidity and ignorance that has made Mr. Rogan such a bright star in the podcasting world. Dr. Alexander Jones is a well-trusted source of bullshit, lies, conspiracy theories, and racist jokes. We know what our audience wants, and we know that Dr. Jones will make sure each episode has all that batshit crazy and dangerous disinformation they crave, and quite frankly is their human right to ingest in toxic quantities.”

New episodes will begin Dr. Jones’ vetting process starting next week.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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