WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, soon to be former White House senior adviser Stephen Miller received some personally difficult news. Not only will be Mr. Miller soon be looking for a place to inspire and incite an American race war after he was unable to help President Donald Trump secure reelection, his first choice as a new employer doesn’t offer key perks he considers “absolute dealbreakers,” according to a source close to the situation.
“Stephen was absolutely heartbroken and devastated to find out that the Klan doesn’t, at this time, offer either a 401k package, or employer-sponsored healthcare,” our source told us. “Both of those things were really important to Stephen. He’s most definitely not happy about having to use the Obamacare exchanges to find himself health insurance.”
Miller, who was the mastermind behind the Trump administration’s policy on the border that separated migrant families and has left more then 500 children perhaps permanently orphaned from their parents, apparently sent his CV to more than a dozen top racist organizations in the country.
“Stephen sent out dozens of resumes. He’s really not thrilled about having to find a new employer, because he was really looking forward to some new things to put into place in his kinderkoncentration kamps,” our source divluged, “but he can see the writing on the wall. He’s down to a choice between the Proud Boys, The Three Percenters, the KKK, and the most racist organization of them all, the Trump Organization.”
While Miller hasn’t announced where he’s decided to go work next, he has told friends and colleagues that he hopes his unique skills will be used on a daily basis, as President Trump has done over the last four years.
“Stephen really prides himself on his racist dog whistles and even his outright, overtly racist rhetoric,” the White House source told us, “and he wants to make sure wherever he ends up uses those unique skill sets he has. However, he doesn’t think it’s too much to ask for from modern employers that he be offered a 401k plan, and healthcare at a bare minimum.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.