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New Study: The More You Talk About Stolen Elections, The Lower Your IQ

The National Institute of Researching Shit has released the results of a new study they conducted beginning on November 4th, 2020, and concluding on March 31st, 2021. What the NIRS found, according to its Chief Research Officer, is that the more someone talks about an election being stolen, the easier you can predict how low their IQ is. While the results will need further review before any real conclusions can be drawn ,the NIRS feels the study “gives us the best look to date” at the intelligence level of people who believe that the least popularly-elected president, who also had the lowest approval rating in history throughout his single term, couldn’t possibly have lost an election.

“It’s quite stunning, and we haven’t seen these kinds of strong indicators in our results since we did the study looking into a connection between how many times someone uses the word ‘cuck’ and their genital size,” Dr. Benson Hornaydieux said during a press conference discussing the study this morning. “Obviously, we have a lot more work with this data ahead of us. However, it’s hard to deny that it appears there is some kind of connection between someone’s IQ and how often they talk about stolen elections.”

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The NIRS conducted their study by surveying two groups of people — those who frequent the QAnon boards on websites like 8kun, and those who are glad that the north won the civil war.

“Perhaps unsurprisingly, we found that the people who believed QAnon was real are by and large the same people who are trying to win the Civil War for the confederacy almost 150 years after it ended,” Hornaydieux said. “That wasn’t the thrust of this study, however, so we will be exploring that issue at another time, to be sure. The bottom line at least appears to be that if you’re talking about a stolen election, you’re probably at least semi-dumb. Maybe even full-blown idiotic. We don’t know until we dissect our data completely, however.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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