Wednesday, March 3, 2021

“Cat Lawyer” Added to Trump’s Shortlist of New Legal Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rumors are spreading wildly as it seems Trump is moving forward with firing his second legal team while also hiring "Cat Lawyer,"...
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covid-19

Rich Guy Taking Six Figure Paycheck From Taxpayers Wonders If Taxpayers Need More Stimulus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Ron Penis (Q-WI) told his colleagues on both sides of the aisle today that he's not sure anybody in America...

Nation’s Airports Suffering From Revolutionary War Travel Numbers

DENVER, COLORADO --  A recent study done on our nation’s airports have painted a very dismal picture. According to the "2020 Study on Passenger...

Trump Claims Pfizer and Moderna ‘Had Never Even Heard of Vaccines’ Until He Told Them to Make One

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Since the end of 2019, the entire planet has been trying to work around and fight against the novel coronavirus, or...

Selfish Fuck Oppressed by Polite Request to Wear Face Mask in Public

ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG TOWN, TEXAS -- Scott Scooterson is a self-described "selfish fuck." It's important to understand that, Scott says, if you're going to be...

Bill Gates Offers to Buy and Delete Elon Musk

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Billionaire tech titan Bill Gates is reportedly close to making one of the biggest offers of his life to another another...

Man on COVID Quarantine Really Missing Taco Bell Shits

LA MIERDA LIQUIDA, CALIFORNIA -- Getting used to living in the post-coronavirus America has taken some work for 34 year old California resident Mike...

Quarantine Panic! Man Already Masturbated to Everything on Pornhub That Doesn’t Involve Incest

STROHK LAKE, CALIFORNIA -- "Wait. Son of a bitch! I've gone in a circle jerk!" John Puhdzingert's roommate recalls that the words, in her words,...

Local Cannibal Experiencing COVID-19 Panic

LAKE MANGEUR  D'HOMME, MINNESOTA -- Terry Homocomedenti wasn't really too nervous about the novel coronavirus pandemic up until about three or four days ago,...

WHO Strongly Cautions Against Human Centipedes of More Than 7 People

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND -- The World Health Organization issued an urgent advisory to all human beings on planet Earth, pleading with them to consider limiting...

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