Wednesday, November 30, 2022

covid-19

Brave, Maskless Patriot Would Rather Be Arrested Than Leave McDonald’s Without His McNuggets

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- At the time of publication, right-wing podcaster and self-described "Mega MAGA Patriot" Jethro Bohiggins is still in a tense, armed standoff with local authorities and employees at the McDonald's just a few blocks from...

Cruz: “As Soon as Trump Gives Them Back, I’ll Know If Getting Vaccinated Changed My Balls”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, noted virologist and "Wet Ass Pussy" composer Nicki Minaj caused quite a commotion when she divulged that a friend of one of her cousins experienced swollen testicles after receiving a COVID-19 vaccination. The story became...

AZ Election Auditors Claim Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Balls Switched Votes to Biden

RUBEVILLE, ARIZONA -- This week Cyber Ninjas, the company hired by the Arizona Republican Party to audit the 2020 election, posted an explosive new report of the data they've collect so far. The report contains dozens of new allegations...

Irony: He Took Preventative Ivermectin. COVID Kept Him From a Hospital Bed After a Heart Attack.

BUBONIC FALLS, IDAHO -- 56-year-old Peter Peterson is in dire trouble, and it appears that he could be living his last moments on Earth, despite "taking every MAGA-approved precaution" he could think of. "In the last couple of weeks, I...

Greene Demands an Update From the FDA on Approval of Bleach and Sunlight Injections

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After months of waiting, the Food and Drug Administration finally gave its full approval to Pfizer's COVID-19 vaccine. However, for some that isn't good enough, and the FDA needs to also rush its approval of other...

Florida’s Child COVID Positivity Higher Than Its Adult Literacy

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Children in the America's Dong State are more likely contract COVID-19 than adults in Florida have a chance at being literate. That's according to new data from the Centers for MAGA Disease Control. "Numbers like these, unsurprising...

Pro-Life Republican Against Life Saving Vaccines and Masks

IDIOTSBERG, TENNESSEE -- Sam Bedford has been what he calls a "rock-ribbed, dyed-in-the-wool, Constitutional pro-life conservative Republican" his entire life. Bedford's mom and dad are Republicans, though his maternal grandparents were both Democrats of the FDR vintage. However, for...

CDC: Maybe Your Ten Year Old Needs to Get COVID and Stop Being a Pussy

When and how to safely re-open schools that have been closed or had their student populations greatly reduced during the COVID-19 pandemic has always been a hotly debated topic. Throughout the past year and a half, millions of Americans...

God Believes in ‘Evolution, Not in Marjorie Greene’s Humanity’

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- In a new interview he did with Deities Magazine, Larry "God" Schumway may have just dropped quite the bombshell on Evangelical Christians. For many years, the religious right has downplayed or outright denied evolution, choosing...

Fauci Suggests a Lobotomy Might Cure Rand Paul’s ‘Bullshit-itis’

"And let me be crystal clear -- I only say 'might' because we have to first confirm he has anything to lobotomize." WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Rand Paul (Q-KY) clearly has it out for Dr. Anthony Fauci. Some speculate that Sen....
- Advertisement -spot_img

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...
- Advertisement -spot_img