Tuesday, December 7, 2021

covid-19

Quarantine Panic! Man Already Masturbated to Everything on Pornhub That Doesn’t Involve Incest

STROHK LAKE, CALIFORNIA -- "Wait. Son of a bitch! I've gone in a circle jerk!" John Puhdzingert's roommate recalls that the words, in her words, "rang out like a shot in the night." Confined to their three-bedroom apartment in a...

Local Cannibal Experiencing COVID-19 Panic

LAKE MANGEUR  D'HOMME, MINNESOTA -- Terry Homocomedenti wasn't really too nervous about the novel coronavirus pandemic up until about three or four days ago, he told us in a recent Skype interview. Terry is a 34 year old civil...

WHO Strongly Cautions Against Human Centipedes of More Than 7 People

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND -- The World Health Organization issued an urgent advisory to all human beings on planet Earth, pleading with them to consider limiting all human centipedes to seven people at a maximum. The WHO's new announcement comes as...

Report: People Were Socially Distancing Themselves From You Way Before Coronavirus

The CDC has recently issued guidelines for reducing the spread of the novel coronavirus, which include a request to consider "social distancing" at large gatherings. In a nutshell, the CDC says you should consider delaying or calling off any...
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Latest News

Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence...
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