Saturday, January 22, 2022

Donald Trump

Ever Since My Butthole Started Following MTG on Facebook, It’s Spewed the Dumbest Shit

In hind(end)sight, giving my rectum its own Facebook account has come back to bite me squarely in the ass. Maybe I should have known better, but as you'll see from reading this story, I was really put in quite...

If You Hear Your Uncle Say This Three Word Phrase, Get Him to a Neurologist ASAP!

Knowing the signs of life-threatening medical emergencies can save your life, and the lives of those you love. Being able to recognize when someone is experiencing a cardiac or neurological event may be a matter of life and death. According...

History: One Year Ago, a President Suffered Humiliating Insurrectile Dysfunction

In American history, there are many dates that carry more importance than others. July 4th, December 7th, and September 11th are some of the most famous and infamous. Last year, exactly one year ago, January 6th joined those dates...

Twitter: MTG Is Allowed One Account Per IQ Point

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Last week, Twitter made headlines when it permanently banned the personal account of a sitting congresspony. Citing her repeated posts that spread COVID-19 disinformation, Twitter announced that they had permanently disabled the personal account...

Selected Excerpts from Mark Meadows’ January 6th Text Messages

Just how much the buzz about former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows' text messages from January 6th are getting outside the beltway isn't quite sure at this time. However, on the Hill, it's all anyone can talk...

Qanon Shaman Left Waiting for Q Instructions After Being Sentenced

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a shocking turn of events, the Qanon Shaman was sentenced to three years in prison for his role in the January 6th attack on the US Capitol. However, our research has found that Q was unable...

Boebert Wants an FDA Update on Approving Bleach Injection Boosters

Congressmoron Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) is an outspoken, devoted follower and gatekeeper of the MAGA political movement. In 2020, Ms. Boebert, who once gave patrons of her Colorado pro-gun themed restaurant diarrhea with tainted meat, ran a campaign built on white...

Rittenhouse Offered to Shoot Someone on 5th Avenue for Trump During Their Mar-A-Lago Meeting

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDUH -- Former, one term, tiny-donged, daughter lusting, twice forever impeached President Don Trump revealed recently that he and acquitted double-murderer Kyle Rittenhouse had a meeting at his Florida resort. Just days prior, Rittenhouse was acquitted on all charges...

Don Jr: “If Joe’s So Good at Finishing What Daddy Couldn’t, Why Can’t He Make Ivanka Cum?”

STUPID FUCKFACE, FLORIDA -- Taking time out during a golf tournament put on by some of the richest Republican donors in the country, Donald Trump Jr. blasted President Joe Biden for signing an infrastructure package worth roughly $1.5 trillion...

Trump Jr. Not Invited to Thanksgiving With President or Man Who Thinks He’s Still President

LAKE MORON, FLORIDA -- Donald Trump Jr. will not be having Thanksgiving dinner with either the current president, or the man who believes he is still president, according to several sources with knowledge of the situation. It would have been...
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Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical Christian conservative -- appeared on The Dr. Phil...
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