Sunday, September 25, 2022

fake news

Trump Asks SCOTUS to Force States to Count Votes Using Three-Fifths Compromise

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The failing Donald Trump re-election campaign has filed an emergency motion with the Supreme Court of the United States of America, asking the highest court in the country to dictate to all fifty states how to...

Crews Greasing Door Hinges In Case Trump Has to be Pushed Out of White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Whether he wants to leave or not, by the end of January, once Joe Biden is sworn-in as the 46th President of the United States, Donald Trump will have to leave the White House. In case...

Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

FORT PHARDT, INDIANA -- An angry, maksed mob appeared at a local Taco Bell this week and demanded scores of Mexican Pizzas, which will be leaving the Taco Bell menu for good in a matter of weeks. MORE: CDC Releases...

Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite

EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A small mountain town nestled in the mountains in Southern California was rocked this week by a scandal that one local told us they "never could have seen coming." MORE: Local Karen Reports 18...

CDC Study Shows Wearing a Mask Reduces Spreading Selfish Douchebaggery by 100%

HOTLANTA, GEORGIA -- Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just released a new study that they are hoping "settles and puts to rest some of the lingering questions" Americans might have about wearing facial coverings out...

If He Can’t Murder Whoever He Wants, Whenever He Wants, You’re On Your Own, Rape Victims

He's a hero. Everyone he ever meets tells him he's a hero. So why would Lt. Frank Biedemup think he's anything except a hero? And, as a hero, Lt. Biedemup thinks, no he believes, that he has the right to kill with impunity....

Basic White Woman Who’s Never Interacted With Cops Against Defunding Them

LAS ESTUPIDAS BLANCAS, CALIFORNIA -- 38 year old cosmetics consultant Christiana Vacaciones says she has "many black friends" and that none of them have ever told her to her face that her beliefs about Black Lives Matters, and policing...

Selfish Fuck Oppressed by Polite Request to Wear Face Mask in Public

ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG TOWN, TEXAS -- Scott Scooterson is a self-described "selfish fuck." It's important to understand that, Scott says, if you're going to be his friend, or associate with him in any way. "I always, always look out for myself...

Man Is ‘Blown Away’ How Much ‘It Stinks’ That His Girlfriend Can’t Stop Farting During Quarantine

BROWN CLOUD, CALIFORNIA -- He says that there is "absolutely no chance" of it breaking them up, but that doesn't mean 37 year old Tad Toddley is thrilled that his girlfriend, 34 year old Kelly Olsen, has been "farting...

Bill Gates Offers to Buy and Delete Elon Musk

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Billionaire tech titan Bill Gates is reportedly close to making one of the biggest offers of his life to another another billionaire in his same industry, Elon Musk. According to several sources close to Mr. Gates,...
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God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...
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