Wednesday, September 28, 2022

Florida

Disney World’s “Mr. Chode’s Fascist Wild Ride” Takes Riders Through Florida Under DeSantis

Guests arriving at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom park today were greeted with some rather exciting news -- they could be among the first guests to experience a new attraction. According to a press release provided by Disney, "Mr....

Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

He's known for a little while that he's ready to settle down and start a family. At 32 years of age, Chad Palumbo says he's done sewing his wild oats, and wants to have some kids. For most self-described...

DeSantis Accuses God of Being ‘Reverse Racist’ Because There Aren’t White People in the Bible

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) has not indicated one way or the other whether he intends to seek his party's presidential nomination in 2024, but if the world were to be asked to judge by his actions, it would...

I’m in Florida. My Cousin’s in Tennessee. We’re Moving to TX to Protect Our Baby From Groomers.

The following editorial was submitted by Eddie Pesghetti, a 35 year old resident of Lake Shitass, Florida. The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Pesghetti, and only those of Mr. Pesghetti. They do not necessarily reflect...

A Second Grader Asked DeSantis Where Babies Come From. He Had Her Arrested.

This morning, while visiting an elementary school in Northern Florida, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) was asked by a precocious, some would even say adorable second grader. The young girl walked up to the governor and tugged at his jacket....

Florida Nun Unsure If She’ll Be Arrested After Teaching Students About the Immaculate Conception

"It's tough for me to know, legally speaking, if discussing statutory rape is kosher with the new law." - Sister Mary Jane Yummipants For the last twenty-eight years, Sister Mary Jane Yummipants has taught second grade at St. Joseph's of...

Op-Ed: We Need to Leave Our Confederate Statues in Place, But Never Talk About Why They Exist

https://youtu.be/XYpPXRI-DNE The following editorial was written and submitted by Floriduh Governor Ron DeSantis (Q). The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Gov. DeSantis, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff. As Governor of America's Dong...

DeSantis Bans Rainbows From Appearing After Florida Rainstorms

https://youtu.be/dOrOCHMIB44 Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) is expected to sign a bill into law when it comes to his desk that will ban the discussion of sexual orientation or identity in the Sunshine State's classrooms. The bill, dubbed the "Don't...

Free Speech Defender Wants Teachers Arrested For Talking About Racism or Gay People In Florida

TALAHASSE, FLORIDUH -- You would be hard-pressed to find a politician who professes his love of liberty and freedom of speech more than Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL). DeSantis loves liberty so much that his administration's COVID-19 prevention strategy has...

DeSantis Orders Critical Race Theory Detectors Installed on Every Florida Campus

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) is on a crusade to eliminate Critical Race Theory from his state's classrooms, even if it's not part of any public school curriculum. He's already introduced a bill similar to Texas' abortion...
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Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...
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