Saturday, April 10, 2021

Ron Johnson: “I Shouldn’t Have to Take My Hood and Robes Off to Prove I’m not Racist!”

"What makes me racist is my racist views of non-white people! But I didn't even say any of that stuff on the radio last week!"
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Cruz Will Insist That Congress Certify He Has an Ugly Wife and No Balls

This story first appeared on The Pastiche Post and is reprinted with permission. Before the 2016 presidential race, Ted Cruz had a wife named Heidi whose looks...

Trump Asks SCOTUS to Force States to Count Votes Using Three-Fifths Compromise

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The failing Donald Trump re-election campaign has filed an emergency motion with the Supreme Court of the United States of America,...

Crews Greasing Door Hinges In Case Trump Has to be Pushed Out of White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Whether he wants to leave or not, by the end of January, once Joe Biden is sworn-in as the 46th President...

Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

FORT PHARDT, INDIANA -- An angry, maksed mob appeared at a local Taco Bell this week and demanded scores of Mexican Pizzas, which will...

Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite

EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A small mountain town nestled in the mountains in Southern California was rocked this week by a scandal...

Mickey and Minnie Mouse Sue Disney After Being Hospitalized With COVID-19 Symptoms

WHORELANDO, FLORIDA -- In what can surely be described as a truly unforeseen turn of events, Mickey and Minnie Mouse have files papers in...

CDC Suggests Chronic Masturbators Replace Regular Lube With Hand Sanitizer

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Doctors with the Centers for Disease Control issued new guidance this morning, urging those who chronically masturbate to "immediately consider" replacing...

Local Perv Weighs Risk of Breaking Coronavirus Quarantine to Watch You Shower Anyway

LA VALLE SIN ROPA, CALIFORNIA -- Nate Robertson is a 45 year old self-described "perv" whose biggest thrill in life is watching you take...

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