Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Guns

Dan Crenshaw Opening Bank That Loans Guns to People on a Hunch

DUMFUQ, TEXAS -- Rep. Dan Crenshaw is opening a bank that will, unlike most traditional institutions of the sort, not be loaning any money to anybody. Instead, Crenshaw will have the bank loan guns to people, without a background...

Second Amendment Enthusiast Can’t Wait to Try Out His Penis Pump Action Shotgun

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster, YouTube star, and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins has, by his estimation, about 53 different firearms in his collection. But the gun he just bought last weekend at a swap meet has him "more...

Gamestop to Start Requiring 7-Day Waiting Periods on All Violent Video Games

GRAPEVINE, TEXAS -- Videogame retail giant Gamestop held a call with stockholders today and announced that in response to pressure from the White House, they will begin requiring a full, seven day waiting period before any violent video games...

Weather Channel To Start Including Local Shooting Forecasts in U.S.

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- In the wake of a pair of mass shootings,  one in El Paso, Texas, and the other in Dayton, Ohio, The Weather Channel announced this week that will start including hourly, daily, and weekly mass shooting...

ISIS Offers Out of Work NRA-TV Host Dana Loesch a Spokes-Terrorist Position

SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- The White House maintains that ISIS has been thoroughly defeated, despite what the international intelligence community assesses. To that end, the Islamic Caliphate made a personnel offer that they say "greatly illustrates" the fact they...

Alabama Rape Victim Uses Legally Obtained AR-15 to Perform Own Abortion

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, ALABAMA -- In March, 28 year old nurse and Alabama resident Jane Sampson was raped while walking home after working a late shift at St. Mary's Hospital. To her utter shock and dismay, when Jane missed her period...

How To Become a Libertarian in 15-ish Steps, by Loretta Splitair

Well, who doesn't love freedom? I know I do, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what the hell it is despite constant attempts by some very serious folks to define it for me. I mean, call...
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Latest News

Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence...
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