Thursday, June 1, 2023

humorist

Basic White Woman Who’s Never Interacted With Cops Against Defunding Them

LAS ESTUPIDAS BLANCAS, CALIFORNIA -- 38 year old cosmetics consultant Christiana Vacaciones says she has "many black friends" and that none of them have ever told her to her face that her beliefs about Black Lives Matters, and policing...

Selfish Fuck Oppressed by Polite Request to Wear Face Mask in Public

ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG TOWN, TEXAS -- Scott Scooterson is a self-described "selfish fuck." It's important to understand that, Scott says, if you're going to be his friend, or associate with him in any way. "I always, always look out for myself...

Man Is ‘Blown Away’ How Much ‘It Stinks’ That His Girlfriend Can’t Stop Farting During Quarantine

BROWN CLOUD, CALIFORNIA -- He says that there is "absolutely no chance" of it breaking them up, but that doesn't mean 37 year old Tad Toddley is thrilled that his girlfriend, 34 year old Kelly Olsen, has been "farting...

Local Man Pretty Sure He Can Convince Himself to Masturbate

SPAYNK RIVER BANK, MISSOURI -- In a sleepy town located on the banks of a lesser-known American river in the Show Me State, Johann Jonathan Stroak sits confidently in his living room, a sense of self-assurance permeating his every...

Report: Ow! Fuck! Pins and Needles!

GREEN PORT, LOUISIANA -- Sources close to the situation are reporting that screams and shrieks were heard from the vicinity of 476 Thomas Rd and that at the time of publication, it's unclear when the situation will resolve itself....

Participants Agree Zoom Orgy Only 30% Less Creepy Than In-Person One

Participants in an orgy via the group video chat app "Zoom" told our reporter afterward that it was only about 30% less creepy to be in a tele-orgy than it is to be in one in-person. Due to the...

Local Couple: Sex Was Really Good Until Husband Got Involved

DISAPPOINTMENT GULCH, ARIZONA -- In an interview with Couples Weekly, Tabitha and Mick Garrison -- married since August 2002 -- said that their recent sexual activity with one another was going, according to Tabatha, "really, really well," but then...

Local Woman Totally Judging What’s In Your Coronavirus Quarantine Preparation Shopping Cart

BECKY FALLS, MINNESOTA -- 43-year old Christina "Christy" Tomjanovich is judging the ever loving hell out of that shopping cart you're pushing. To be fair to Christy, she always judges what's in people's carts. Whether it's because they're buying...
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Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...
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