Local Man Pretty Sure He Can Convince Himself to Masturbate

SPAYNK RIVER BANK, MISSOURI — In a sleepy town located on the banks of ...

CDC Suggests Chronic Masturbators Replace Regular Lube With Hand Sanitizer

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Doctors with the Centers for Disease Control issued new guidance this ...

Toddler Doesn’t Give a Fuck

LINCOLN, INDIANA — He doesn’t give a fuck.  He doesn’t give a fuck what ...

Local Woman Refuses to Accept Trophy for World’s Most Stubborn Person

RECALCITRANT FALLS, MINNESOTA — Last month, Cheryl Sherer won a highly-coveted prize from the ...

Coronavirus Update: CDC Strongly Urges People to Stop Licking Each Other’s Nostrils

WASHINGTON, D.C — The Centers for Disease Control have issued a strong advisory warning ...

Man Starting to Think Supportive Friends Are Bad Judges of Human Potential

LAKE ÉTOILE DÉCLINANTE, ILLINOIS — Phillip Fillmore, a lifelong resident of his sleepy midwestern ...