Friday, August 19, 2022

Lauren Boebert

Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

Doctors in Colorado are marveling at the news that a congressional representative from their state successfully gave six brain cells to another member of Congress, lived to tell the tale, and still has roughly half her brain cells leftover. Today,...

Boebert Gives Up Right to Vote, Bear Arms, & Hold Office Because the Constitution Never Changes

"The Constitution is not evolving. To say that spits in the face of every single one of our founders." - Congressdumb Lauren Boebert (Q-CO), via Twitter WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's unclear when, but at some point in the next several...

Boebert Thinks Hillary Clinton Had the Fox News Christmas Tree Torched to Cover-Up Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressidiot Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) smells a rat, and she thinks the odor is emanating from the Fox News Christmas Tree's charred remains. Though a new tree was erected to much fanfare this weekend, conservative Americans still...

Man Sitting on Whoopie Cushion Briefly Worries Boebert’s Staff That Her Skull Had Popped

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Aides and staffers rushed to her side, and ultimately it was determined that she was in no immediate danger. However, Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) was indeed given quite a scare this morning. "At approximately 10am this morning,...

Boebert Thought Planning Trump’s Insurrection Just Meant ‘Giving Boners to Some Dirty MAGAs’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Responding to a new bombshell report in Rolling Stone that indicates she participated in a plot to overturn last year's election, freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) tried to bat away, deflect, and downplay the implications of the article. "Yeah,...

Boebert and Greene File Articles of Impeachment Against Hunter Biden’s Laptop

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When Democrats and a handful of vertebrate Republicans impeached Donald Trump twice, Republicans warned that there would be recompense. Today, in a move sure to stir quite a commotion on the Hill, Trump's loyalist struck their...

Boebert Confirms She Belongs to Several “Low IQ-Anon” Facebook Groups

"Free speech is for stupid people too, libs!" - Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman congresswoman Lauren Boebert, a Republican from Colorado, has been under fire in her home district for weeks. Allegations have been swirling about Boebert,...

Boebert: “It Would Violate My Hippopotamus Rights to Tell You If I Got the Democrat Hoax Vaccine”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Elected Republicans spent most of 2020 defending, propping up, and cheerleading for Operation Warp Speed -- the Trump Administration's effort to partner with pharmaceutical giants to develop a vaccine for COVID-19 at record-breaking speed. Despite the...

Boebert Introduces Bill Honoring Victims of 7/11 and the Bowling Green Massacre

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) hasn't done much by the way of legislating in the first five months she's held office. She has, however, done quite a lot of publicity stunts and social media posting. A new...

Boebert Demands CEO of Antifa Testify Before Jan. 6th Commission

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- She voted against its formation, but freshman Qongresswoman Lauren Boebert of Colorado told reporters this morning that if the January 6th commission is going to meet, the CEO of Antifa "must be issued a sub-penis and...
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God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...
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