Saturday, January 22, 2022

MAGA

Trump Supporter: His Cousin Convinced Him to Get Vaccinated By Withholding Sex

FT. IVERMECTIN, KENTUCKY -- For months, the Biden administration has grappled with how, exactly, to convince millions of Americans to get a COVID-19 vaccine. Despite their best efforts, vaccination became politicized with the help of former President Don Trump...

Princess Celestia Declares Ivermectin Shortage in the Pony Realm

CANTERLOT, EQUESTRIA --  In an early morning press release issued today, Head of State Princess Celestia congratulated Big Bird on their recent vaccination. "We celebrate Big Birds decision to receive the newly approved Pfizer vaccine and hope all mythical creatures...

Boebert Thought Planning Trump’s Insurrection Just Meant ‘Giving Boners to Some Dirty MAGAs’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Responding to a new bombshell report in Rolling Stone that indicates she participated in a plot to overturn last year's election, freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) tried to bat away, deflect, and downplay the implications of the article. "Yeah,...

Hannity Demands Full Audit of 1860 Presidential Election

Fox News host Sean Hannity told his radio audience today that he believes all fifty states in America should be conducting "rigorous, exhaustive audits" of the 2020 election. He also said "true patriots" won't stop there, though. They'll also...

Jesus Now Requires a Vaccine Passport to Enter Heaven

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- If you're going to die soon, and if when you do you expect to wind up in Heaven, you better bring your vaccination records with you. At a press conference held from outside the bounds...

Boebert: “It Would Violate My Hippopotamus Rights to Tell You If I Got the Democrat Hoax Vaccine”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Elected Republicans spent most of 2020 defending, propping up, and cheerleading for Operation Warp Speed -- the Trump Administration's effort to partner with pharmaceutical giants to develop a vaccine for COVID-19 at record-breaking speed. Despite the...

Mike Lindell Starts “MyCrackPipe”

LAKE AMPHETAMINE, MINNESOTA -- During a press conference held from his own basement this morning, American entrepreneur Mike Lindell didn't just claim, without any evidence, that President Donald Trump would be restored to the presidency in August, which given...

Boebert Demands CEO of Antifa Testify Before Jan. 6th Commission

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- She voted against its formation, but freshman Qongresswoman Lauren Boebert of Colorado told reporters this morning that if the January 6th commission is going to meet, the CEO of Antifa "must be issued a sub-penis and...

Darwin Institute Encourages MAGA to Refuse Vaccine and Masks

"The Darwin Institute has always been committed to supporting any endeavor to prove evolution is real." - Dr. Hans Katsipp Dr. Hans Katsipp of the Charles Darwin Institute issued a press release from organization today in which he told people...

Illinois GOP Censures Abe Lincoln

STONEWALL, ILLINOIS -- The Illinois Republican Party has been on a censure-spree lately. This week, they officially condemned Rep. Adam Kinzinger, himself a Republican from Illinois, over his vote to impeach former President Tiny Hands McGee. Kinzinger is one of...
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Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical Christian conservative -- appeared on The Dr. Phil...
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