Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

FORT PHARDT, INDIANA — An angry, maksed mob appeared at a local Taco Bell ...

Local Witch Casts “ShutTheFuckUpicus Totallus” Curse on JK Rowling

GODRIC’S HOLLOW, LONDON, UK, THE WIZARDING WORLD — While it’s unclear at this time ...

CDC Releases New Urgent Guidelines for “Safe and Healthy” Circle Jerking

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Centers for Disease Control have issued brand new, updated guidance ...

Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite

EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A small mountain town nestled in the mountains ...

Selfish Fuck Oppressed by Polite Request to Wear Face Mask in Public

ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG TOWN, TEXAS — Scott Scooterson is a self-described “selfish fuck.” It’s important ...

Local Man Pretty Sure He Can Convince Himself to Masturbate

SPAYNK RIVER BANK, MISSOURI — In a sleepy town located on the banks of ...

Jesus Sees Image of Potato Chip in Bathroom Mirror

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — This weekend, Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Trinity, Inc’s ...