Saturday, October 1, 2022

satire

I Was Tired of My Kids Being Groomed So I Put Them in Catholic School Where They’ll Be Safe

The following is an editorial submitted to us by Florida resident Chad Beefington. Chad refers to himself as a "concerned parent" of four children, and recently he made the decision to pull them out of public school over concerns...

DeSantis Warns Disney That Donald Duck ‘Better Put Some Pants On’ Around Younger Park Guests

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) is not going to stop his feud with The Walt Disney Company any time soon. At least, that appears to be the case as the governor just fired another warning shot across the Magic...

FBI Confirms Hunter Biden’s Laptop Didn’t Contain Any PowerPoints on Overthrowing Democracy

We still don't know what the contents of the infamous Hunter Biden laptop are, despite some very prominent right-wing Twitter trolls like Glenn "Sugar Daddy" Greenwald telling us how much we should be concerned about them. Some might wonder...

Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

Doctors in Colorado are marveling at the news that a congressional representative from their state successfully gave six brain cells to another member of Congress, lived to tell the tale, and still has roughly half her brain cells leftover. Today,...

A Second Grader Asked DeSantis Where Babies Come From. He Had Her Arrested.

This morning, while visiting an elementary school in Northern Florida, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) was asked by a precocious, some would even say adorable second grader. The young girl walked up to the governor and tugged at his jacket....

Judge Jackson Regrets Not Pre-Insulting Heidi Cruz’s Looks

Now that her confirmation hearings have come to a close, sources say that Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson is feeling pretty good about her chances of ascending to the Supreme Court. Ms. Jackson was nominated by President Joe Biden to...

Area Transphobe Livid He Can’t Force Twitter to Bake His Cake

Kyle Mann is the Editor in Chief of one of the largest online purveyors of Christofascist propaganda, The Babylon Bee. Mann, an alleged comedian, is also a noted transphobe, and under his leadership, the website has become known for its anti-transgender...

Amy Coney Barrett Says She’ll Welcome Jackson to Supreme Court If Mr. Barrett Says She Can

If Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson is confirmed by the U.S. Senate and becomes a member of the United States Supreme Court, she'll be welcomed by the previously most recently appointed woman to the high court. That is, of course,...

Florida Nun Unsure If She’ll Be Arrested After Teaching Students About the Immaculate Conception

"It's tough for me to know, legally speaking, if discussing statutory rape is kosher with the new law." - Sister Mary Jane Yummipants For the last twenty-eight years, Sister Mary Jane Yummipants has taught second grade at St. Joseph's of...

Fox News No Longer Gives Anchors Choice of Being Paid in Dollars or Rubles

For years, Fox News has given its top anchors a choice between having their paychecks deposited in American dollars, or Russian rubles. Now that western sanctions have punished Vladimir Putin and the circle of oligarchs who run Russia, however,...
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God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...
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