Saturday, April 10, 2021

Ron Johnson: “I Shouldn’t Have to Take My Hood and Robes Off to Prove I’m not Racist!”

"What makes me racist is my racist views of non-white people! But I didn't even say any of that stuff on the radio last week!"
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Ted Cruz

Lara Trump Hired By Fox to Do To Her Father-in-Law Publicly What Her Sister-in-Law Does Privately

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This morning, Fox News made it official -- former President Donald "Mushroom Dong" Trump's daughter-in-law Lara has joined their...

Ted Cruz Says If D.C. Gets Statehood, Mar-A-Lago Should Too

"If they're gonna give all those, you know, URBANS, two more senators, it's only fair we get two more ourselves."

Poll: 90% of Americans Support Inventing Time Travel to Convince Ted Cruz’s Mom to Be Pro-Choice

"In this country, you can't get this kind of agreement on the wetness of water."

Man Finds Ted Cruz Drowning and Throws Him a Cement Life Preserver

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While it's not clear at this time exactly why Senator Ted Cruz went for a swim in the Potomac river last...

Cruz: “An Impeachment Conviction After He’s Left Office Won’t Make My Wife Any Less Ugly”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Before he left office, the former President of the United States of America -- a former reality-TV game show host and...

Cruz Will Insist That Congress Certify He Has an Ugly Wife and No Balls

This story first appeared on The Pastiche Post and is reprinted with permission. Before the 2016 presidential race, Ted Cruz had a wife named Heidi whose looks...

Cruz Warns Democrats Might Try to Steal Future Elections With More Votes than Republicans

This story was first published by our sister publication, The Pastiche Post, and is reprinted with their direct permission. RIO PINCHE CULERO, TEXAS -- Sen. Ted...

Cruz: “You Know What? My Wife is an Ugly She-Beast. My Dad Did Try to Kill JFK. Trump Is Totally Innocent.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's highly likely that no one on the Hill has been all that surprised by how the impeachment trial of President...

Ted Cruz: “Why Do Democrats Cry Over Terrorists From Other Countries But Vilify the Ones Who Voted For Trump?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) was absolutely brutalized by then-candidate Donald Trump during the 2016 Republican primary. Trump accused Cruz's father of...

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