Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Cold Texas Temperatures Signal It’s Time for Dodos to Fly South to Cancun

As it gets colder in the Lone Star State, its dodo population starts to migrate south to Cancun.

It’s a phenomenon that has only very recently been noticed by zoologists. We recently spoke to one of the country’s leading biologists about Texan dodo migration. What we found out is fascinating, to say the least.

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“We’ve of course known about the rather massive dodo population in Texas for years. Texas is, pretty much, synonymous with dodos. Almost nothing but dodos in Texas, especially after Elon Musk moved there,” Dr. Benson Hornaydieux of the National Institute of Natural Shit told us in an interview this morning.

“However, it wasn’t until the winter of 2021 when we started to observe a subset of the dodo population that is more cynical, feckless, and frankly cowardly than the other dodos. Over time, Texas dodos have largely evolved to be able to handle the cold Texas winters. However, clearly, in 2021 we saw that there are at least some Texas dodos who abandon their fellow Texans and fly south to Cancun when temperatures get too cold for their comfort.”

Hornaydieux and his team have discovered that the dodos who fly south to Cancun each year, seem to be from one, particular family of dodos.

“We were able to identify and log certain traits of the dodos who leave Texas for Cancun. We started to notice that the same dodos were leaving,” Hornaydieux explained.

“The daddy dodo has no genitals because he apparently surrendered them to an alpha dodo when the alpha dodo called his dodo wife ugly. And, to be perfectly frank, that dodo’s wife is ugly. At least, we have to respect the fact that the daddy dodo didn’t do anything to defend his dodo wife when she was called ugly by the alpha dodo. Ergo, the dodo wife must be ugly, at least to the daddy dodo.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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