Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Tom Cotton Says Democrat Votes Should Only Be Worth Three-Fifths of Republican Votes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican Party suffered a stinging defeat last November, despite public claims to the contrary. They became the first party in more than two decades to see their incumbent president lose, they lost control of the Senate, and thousands of rank and file Republicans attempted to violently overthrow the U.S. government and invalidate the certified election results on January 6th.

The panic seems to have set in with Republicans because throughout the states, which actually run the country’s elections, the GOP has been pushing for even harsher voting restrictions. The global covid-19 pandemic pushed several states to broaden ways in which citizens could vote, which serves as a direct threat to a political party that officially lists democracy as “icky” in their party platform. One very prominent Republican Senator just floated perhaps the most radical idea yet to come from the GOP in the wake of last year’s drubbing.

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“What I’m proposing is quite simple, and it wouldn’t disenfranchise a single person. Everyone can vote under my plan, even the URBANS,” Cotton told Fox News this morning. “It’s just that once the votes are cast, Democrat votes would only equal two-thirds of the Republican votes. Make sense? So if the Democrats were to get, say, nine million votes in one state, that would only be worth six million votes.”

Cotton called his approach “Jim Crow meets the Electoral College.”

“Look, we already did a Three-Fifths Compromise in this country and that seemed to go pretty well until that tyrant Lincoln tried to keep our union together,” Cotten insisted. “So there is clear and obvious precedent for this. I also think it really egenders that American spirit and our values of dicking over the poor and minorities to keep white people feeling better.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Cotton’s idea won broad support from Republicans on the Hill. However, in a bit of a twist, Sen.Josh Hawley (Q-MO) bucked his party and criticized Cotton’s proposal.

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“No I don’t support Sen. Cotton’s idea,” Hawley said curtly to reporters as he arrived at work today. “Why are we letting Democrats vote at all, is my question. Cotton’s proposal still counts their votes, which as anyone who has followed my career knows, is something I strongly protest. Democrats should not vote, and if they do vote, they should not be counted. Period.”


 

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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