Thursday, June 8, 2023

Trump Says He Won’t Participate in Biden’s Inauguration or The Next Olympics

It was never really that much in doubt, but outgoing, lame duck, one-term, permanently impeached President Donald Trump confirmed today that he will not attend Joe Biden’s inauguration in less than two weeks.

In a brief tweet, Trump addressed “all those who have been asking,” and announced that he had decided not to participate in the inauguration of the man who knocked him out of office. President Trump spent most of the last weeks of his tenure as president whining and complaining about losing, and falsely claiming he actually won. However, after more than sixty court cases failed, and even after he incited a violent, angry mob to attack the U.S. Capitol, Trump was forced to make a concession speech to Biden and announced there would be an “orderly transfer of power.”

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Through his now banned Twitter account, Trump made his announcement. However, word on the Hill is that since he’s felt the sting of social media bans on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, he’s feeling even less like fulfilling his commitments. This morning, through the White House Press Secretary, Trump announced that he would also be pulling out of the Olympics whenever they are held next.

“The president is of course extremely outraged at having his Twitter account closed,” Press Secretary Barbie McDitzydick told reporters this morning in front of the White House. “As such, he is hereby canceling all his upcoming engagements and commitments, including his participation in the next Olympic games, whenever they are to be held.”

Trump, an avid golfer, is not known to be an athlete or player of any major sport. It’s unclear which sport he’d compete in, and also which Olympiad — the winter or summer games — he’d play in. McDitzydick did indicate, however, he had no plans to play for the American team.

“He’s never been on America’s side before, why would he start now? He’ll be playing for either Russia’s team or North Korea’s,” McDitzydick announced. “It just depends on which country will shield him from extradition.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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