Saturday, April 10, 2021

Ron Johnson: “I Shouldn’t Have to Take My Hood and Robes Off to Prove I’m not Racist!”

"What makes me racist is my racist views of non-white people! But I didn't even say any of that stuff on the radio last week!"

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Report: Nobody Cares What This Tubby Shitdick Thinks About the Pandemic He Downplayed Anymore

Apparently, the most recently vacated occupant of the Oval Office was extremely upset and unnerved by interviews Doctors Anthony Fauci and Deborah Birx gave to CNN recently. His upset and angst over their direct insinuation that his incompetence, ego, and bravado cost hundreds of thousands of Americans their lives to the COVID-19 pandemic elicited a ranting screed in which he trashed Birx and Fauci and proudly declared that he overruled them quite a lot. Scholars note this might be the first time the former president, who is by definition a “tubby shitdick,” has ever taken responsibility for something, albeit completely by accident.

We had planned on reprinting the corpulent cock whistle’s diatribe about Fauci and Birx, but then we realized something very important: fuck that shit.

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We’re not even going to link to it here. If you want to read it, you can surely type “moronic rant about Birx and Fauci” into your favorite search engine and find it. The editorial decision not to reprint his tantrum was one of the easiest we made. However, it was bolstered by a new report out from the National Repository of Information and Stuff, which indicates that nobody whose opinion matters even cares that the aforementioned tubby shitdick thinks about the pandemic anymore.

“After crunching the numbers, analyzing the data, and just thinking about how this fat fuck completely downplayed the virus and encouraged people to take untested drugs,” Dr. Benson Hornaydieux of the NRIS told us via Skype, “not to mention telling people maybe they could inject bleach, which was after he downplayed the virus for weeks, we realized that literally no intelligent person even gives a fuck what this chubby crotch rash thinks about anything, let alone the pandemic he completely shit the bed on.”

After fully digesting the new report published by the NRIS, Not Really News has decided not to re-print the racist white collar criminal and D-list reality TV game show host’s insults and lies. And instead we’ll use this opportunity to remind you this man wants to fuck his own daughter, sucked up murderous fascist dictators, and couldn’t keep a casino financially solvent. All of which are fare more newsworthy stories than him trashing the doctors who actually at least TRIED to save American lives from covid-19.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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