Thursday, March 30, 2023

Trump Can’t Wait for Musk to Own Twitter So He Doesn’t Have to Post on Truth Social

A new report out of South Florida seems to indicate that one former, one-term, twice permanently impeached President of the United States is watching what happens with Elon Musk’s hostile takeover attempt of Twitter quite closely.

MORE: I’m in Florida. My Cousin’s in Tennessee. We’re Moving to TX to Protect Our Baby From Groomers.

According to several sources within the Trump crime family, their patriarchal head is desperate for Musk to take ownership and control of the social media microblogging site. For starters, his family says that he is almost as bitter and hurt about losing his Twitter account as he is about losing the 2020 election, and getting back on the site would feel like he was one step closer to getting back in the White House. But also, sources are telling us that Trump is highly keen to have Musk reinstate his Twitter access so the former reality-TV host doesn’t have to post on Truth Social, Trump’s own social media site.

One source we spoke to was willing to go on the record, but only if we kept their identity secret.

“Truth Social is an absolute ghost town. Not even people in his cult of personality want to post there. They want to post where they think their enemies are, but they don’t want to deal with what a real free marketplace of ideas looks like. The former president doesn’t want to post somewhere he thinks is full of losers and nobodies, even if those losers and nobodies adore him.”

Apparently, Mr. Trump “hates just about everything he sees” on Truth Social.

“He just really hates everything about it. The look. The layout. The lack of easily searchable nude photos of his daughter. The fact that his sons are on Truth Social. Everything about it just rubs him the wrong way. He actually never even wanted his own social media website, and all he ever wanted was to use Twitter to inflate his ego and sense of worth.”

The former president has told friends and family he “wouldn’t be caught dead” on Truth Social.

“According to him, Truth Social is a total disaster. He blames Devin Nunes, and tells people he should have put Devin’s cow in charge instead. Probably the most damning criticism he’s had for it came the other night. He logged in, and let out a scream. He was so angry. He was just shouting about how it looked like a business Donald Trump owns.”

MORE: Stable Hands Confirm Marjorie Taylor Greene Has Always Been Anti-Grooming


Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This