Contrary to reporting in other outlets today, former one-term, twice-permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump was not upset it any way, shape, or form when he read news accounts of the summit between his former boss and the man who defeated him in last year’s election. According to sources very close to the former president who wish to stay anonymous, seeing President Biden and Putin shake hands before spending four hours alone together did not trigger the alleged billionaire and former reality-TV game show host.
That’s because Trump will hold his very own presidential summit with Putin in roughly two months.
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“So, right, President Daddy — OOPSIE! — I mean, President Trump laughed when he saw Sleepy Joe and Uncle Vlad on TV together,” our source told us. “He laughed so hard he farted, actually. OH MY GOD DO NOT TELL HIM I TOLD YOU THAT, K? But he farts in bed a lot, actually. Anyway, what was I talking about?”
Our source paused to think for a moment.
“Oh right! President Daddy — DARN IT! — President Trump couldn’t really care less what Sleepy Joe and Uncle Vlad talk about, really, I swear to God,” our source insisted. “Because he knows he’s gonna get his own summit with Uncle Vlad! Doy! When he gets putted back in office, he gets to do those things again. So come August 43rd, his enemies are HOSED.”
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-Dumbfuckistan) has already offered to personally drive Trump to his summit.
“I don’t care where it is, neither,” Greene said whilst enjoying a hit from her trusty crack pipe. “I’ll drive him to damn Guam, China, Russia, wherever. Just point me in the right direction, and I’ll get us there, Mr. Pres-o-dent! YEE-HAW! WHO WANTS SOME CRACK?!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.