WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, the comic book world lost one of its most influential and important figures — Marvel founder Stan Lee. President Donald Trump was asked about Lee as he ate lunch in the Oval Office, and he said he’d be “honored” to say a few words about the man who gave the world Spider-Man, the Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, and a whole host of venerable, beloved characters.
“I’m always delighted and honored to make something about me somehow,” Trump said, “and this is no different. In fact, it’s bigly appropriate that you’d ask me t comment about Stan Lee, because if it wasn’t for me, one of his most important creations might never have been.”
Trump then told reporters that one night, many years ago, he was having dinner when Lee entered the very same restaurant he was in.
“Stan was upset because he wanted to create a new character, but he was completely out of ideas,” Trump said. “I happened to overhear him telling his waitress he was out of ideas, and as everyone knows I am the guy who has the best ideas. Whether it’s fake universities, terrible mail order steaks, or bottled water in a market already saturated with bottled water brands — I am the idea guy everyone wishes they had on their team.”
The president said he took a chance and approached Lee. He introduced himself, and asked him what kind of ideas he needed. That’s when Trump says that Lee informed him the brass as Marvel were breathing down his neck about creating a new, iconic comic book character, but that he was just completely spent and had no ideas left.
“So I says to him he should do one of those characters that’s like a superhero and stuff,” Trump said. “And I think I really blew his mind. I don’t think at that point that anyone else had ever suggested to him that he create superhero characters.”
A reporter asked how long ago this incident allegedly happened.
“Oh, it was just a couple of years ago, I think,” Trump said, not sounding too sure of himself. “All I know is two weeks later all I hear is people saying how great this SuperBat character is. Some new character called ‘SuperSpiderHulkThing’ I guess. And this Stanley guy is the one who made him up. But he knew that I knew that he knew that we both knew I was the perspiration for that character!”
The reporters hung their heads low and simply shuffled out, scratching out everything they’d written down and erasing all the video and audio they’d recorded. Trump farted slowly as they filed out, gnawing on some KFC and sipping a Diet Coke wistfully.
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPost, Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.News, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals.