Thursday, March 30, 2023

Trump Tells Supreme Court He ‘Really, Really, Really WANTED to Be President Again’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Throughout his presidency, there has been one word used almost incessantly about Donald Trump’s approach to, well, everything. That word is “unprecedented.” For many over the past four years, it’s become apparent why so many things that Trump did or said weren’t done or uttered by any president before him.

President Trump has been attempting another unprecedented feat in American history — overturning a fair and free election’s officially certified results. Trump’s crack (smoking) legal team has lost over four dozen lawsuits challenging results in key states, but that doesn’t seem to be stopping them from filing an ever growing list of claims of electoral fraud. Notably, no actual proof has been presented in any of the court proceedings.

MORE: Hey! Check Out This Super Rich White Guy’s Take on Being Nice to Hateful Bigots.

With just under a week to go before the Electoral College convenes to officially select the next president based on each states’ popular vote count, it’s becoming increasingly more evident just how desperate Trump is to cling to power. That desperation has inspired some more unprecedented legal challenges. Today, there was one more wrinkle in the transition from Trump to Biden thrown into the mix.

“My campaign’s lawyers intend to argue before the Burrito Supreme Court, whatever that is, that I really, really, really WANTED to be president again,” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office this morning, “and therefore, as a rich white man, I was entitled to have that. I was denied what I wanted, and what I was entitled to, so my lawyers are going to tell the Burrito Supremes they need to fix this fucking mess the voters made RIGHT NOW.”

Though Trump would not announce when he expects this new brief to be filed by his attorneys, he said he is “fully, full-on, hardcore expecting” to prevail.

“I mean, HELLO?! I gave three of those shitdicks their jobs,” Trump said, “and if that drunkard Kavanaugh or Jesus Freak Barrett forgets it, I’ll make sure Rudy puts it right there, in the fuckin’ suit, that we gave them their jobs and so they OWE us one. A bigly one, in fact.”

On January 20th, 2021, Joe Biden will replace Donald Trump as the nation’s 46th President of the United States.


RELATED: In Fake Hearing, Giuliani Claims Hunter Biden’s Laptop Voted 80 Million Times

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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