Thursday, June 8, 2023

West Hollywood Offers Trump’s Walk of Fame Star to Lebron James

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA — The West Hollywood City Council has voted unanimously to offer the spot on their world famous “Walk of Fame” currently occupied by President Donald Trump to the newest L.A. area sports superstar — Laker Lebron James.

“This would not be the first time we awarded a star on our Walk of Fame to an athlete,” West Hollywood Assistant Junior Deputy Media Secretary Sarah Jaspers told reporters. “We’ve given them to Magic Johnson, Muhammad Ali, and even some with skin tones that Donald Trump might recognize as Americans. So this should come as no big shock or surprise to anyone.”

Since being elected in 2016, Trump’s star has been defaced on more than one occasion. Most recently, a man took a pickax to the star, completely and utterly destroying it while also simultaneously placing himself atop of the list of potential 2020 challengers to Trump. The West Hollywood council did temporarily vote to remove the star completely, but then someone on the board had the idea to offer the spot on the sidewalk to “someone who has started a real school and is a real billionaire.”

“It was fun to have a trust fund racist and reality-TV attention whore carny barker hold that space for awhile, I guess,” Jaspers told the media.

“But at the end of the day, we just thought this might be a good opportunity to praise someone who has, you know, actually done good things for other people in their lives.”

Mr. James has not responded to the West Hollywood City Council’s invitation to take over Trump’s spot on the Walk of Fame, so some other ideas for either replacing Trump, or perhaps putting his star in a new section of sidewalk, were bandied about, Jaspers indicated.

“If Mr. James doesn’t want to take the spot, we’ve got quite a few people who actually are rich and probably more deserving of the honor,” Jaspers said.

“And if we can’t find anyone to take it, we’ll move Trump’s star to a new sidewalk and call it the Walk of Shame so it’s more appropriate. And barring that, we’ll just set up an outhouse where his star used to be, since that would be in keeping with what his star turned out to be best used for.”

The White House didn’t respond to requests for comment on this story.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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