Sunday, November 27, 2022

Area Transphobe Livid He Can’t Force Twitter to Bake His Cake

Kyle Mann is the Editor in Chief of one of the largest online purveyors of Christofascist propaganda, The Babylon Bee. Mann, an alleged comedian, is also a noted transphobe, and under his leadership, the website has become known for its anti-transgender material, which accounts for a full 50% of their comedic potential.

This week, The Babylon Bee ran into some trouble with Twitter. Both the site’s Twitter account, and Mann’s, were suspended over their giving Assistant Health Secretary Rachel Levine, a transgender woman, their “Man of the Year” award. That hackneyed attempt at a joke ran afoul of Twitter’s rules against hate speech against protected groups of people, and so The Babylon Bee and Mann had their accounts locked until they deleted the offending tweets, which Mann and the website have steadfastly refused to do.

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A teary-eyed Mann stood before a handful of reporters this morning, and upped the ante in his fight against Twitter. Mann accused the tech giant of being “overly woke libtards” and then leveled a new charge.

“I also wanted to take this time and announce that I am filing a lawsuit against Twitter for denying me my rights. Namely, the right to have them bake a cake for me,” Mann said. “Which, I know sounds like one of my classic pair of jokes. However, I’m serious. I asked Twitter’s brass to bake me a cake, and they wouldn’t do it! They refused! A private company refused to do my bidding, and I am entitled to sue them and force them to do whatever it is I want them to do!”

Mann said his cake was meant to celebrate being suspended over the Levine headline because he “won’t yield to the woke mob.” However, he was informed that Twitter isn’t a bakery, and that gave him a “big sad,” he said.

“I am sorry, but if we don’t live in a country where private companies can be forced to host content they don’t want on their servers, and if we can’t make that same company bake our cakes, then we don’t live in America anymore,” Mann said before ending his press conference.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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