Thursday, June 8, 2023

Webster Changes Definition of “Douchebag” to “See Joe Manchin”

Dictionary publishers have to update their content quite frequently, given how often language evolves. From the time that humans first developed the skill, the words and phrases we use have undergone changes, and each year, companies like Merriam-Webster need to print revisions to account for the ever changing nature of words.

For their 2022 editions, Webster has decided to change the definition of a common slang term, adding a key phrase, and shortening it altogether. Beginning next year, when someone uses a new copy of the Merriam-Webster collegiate dictionary to look up the definition of the word “douchebag,” they’ll find a picture of an elected official and a single entry for the word’s meaning.


See Joe Manchin.

Speaking to NPR, Webster CFO Sharon Ettimoligee explained the decision to change the definition of “douchebag.”

“Joe Manchin is very wealthy but represents some of the poorest Americans in the country. The infrastructure package he keeps fighting against would help those people tremendously,” Ettimoligee said. “It seems pretty douchey to tell everyone that the country can’t afford to help the poverty stricken people your rich ass gets even more money from every year in the form of a congressional salary.”

If Manchin’s seeming hypocrisy and callous nonchalant attitude toward his poverty stricken constituents wasn’t enough, the fact that Manchin has repeatedly sabotaged his own party’s agenda was what “sealed the deal,” Ettimoligee explained.

“Democrat Joe Manchin doesn’t want to support Democrat Joe Biden in passing a budget supported by the majority of Democrats in the country,” Ettimoligee told the interviewer. “It’s pretty cut and dry at this point. Joe Manchin really is a douchebag.”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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